I acted as if I had no idea why you used to stare at me with such confusion, but I knew why all along. I’m so cute, I’ve fooled everyone… even you.
And heaven didn’t hear me last night, so hell is welcomed.
There was blood dripping from my nose onto the petals of a flower I held in my hand. And it was the sweet smell of the flower I held after taking it from the palm of abuelita that caused me to smile. It was also the time when the sun gave me a headache I would never forget. People could say I was probably allergic to summer because my childhood consisted of nosebleeds. But nothing mattered to me more than the time I spent, with abuelita. Her kind love and understanding hid me from the cruel world. She spent her time showing me what true love felt like, only so I could reject my future lovers in return. No man will ever be good enough, is what she made me understand. Married off to a man she despised at 15, she told me of the horrible consequences men would bring into my life. She always warned me to respect myself because my future would depend on that. The man of my dreams would evolve from the dark and into my life if I only respected myself. The last summer I saw her, she gave me a flower from a bush. Her love for nature was well understood as well as her dislike for humanity. It’s so funny, I remember before she fled, she said I was welcomed to be with her. But she left. And where is she? And the person I’m the most angry at is the person I loved the most. She promised she’d always protect me. But she left. And where is she? My summers will never be the same.
Abuelita: Grandmama in spanish.
I have a strong appetite. I starve for your lips locking into mine, your warmth between my legs, and your sweat over my shoulders as the moon sings goodbye.
Time is finally aligning us.
and all i ever wanted
was to find someone
who might cherish
the timid resonance
of my heartbeat.
The things that are merely beautiful to me, that’s what my life consists of.
You blame yourself, because I’m not waking up beside you every morning. And I blame you, for the same exact reason.